Florida & North Carolina (Online & In-Person)
Codependency Therapy
For the One Who Has Given Everything
You Can't Keep Giving What You Don't Have
Are you watching someone you love give their life over to self-destructive patterns that are robbing them of everything valuable and destroying your relationship with them? It is hard to know how to help family and friends who are spiraling down with addiction and seeking more and more help from you. When should you help, and when does your help actually hurt by blocking them from their own healing?
Maybe you are becoming more aware of building resentment over others who do too little while you are doing too much. It feels like you have no choice but to continue being the one who holds everything together, but you are running out of steam and getting depleted. Your resentments can block genuine connection, so the good you are doing seems to backfire in the relationship. You are realizing you can't keep this going, that something has to change.
What does God have to say about sacrificially loving others while setting limits that are ultimately for their good and for yours? These are hard questions to answer. There are others who have learned to let go and love more. Find support in determining how much to give, and how to have richer relationships that are reciprocal.
What does Codependency Therapy look like?
First, you will be encouraged to pause and look at how this is affecting you. Carrying a burden that is too much for you can cause physical, emotional, relational, and occupational signs of stress. Beginning to notice your own feelings and how this is impacting you is a good place to start. It helps you recognize when it is time for a change.
The term codependent originally referred to family members of people struggling with addictions, used to describe their enabling behaviors. It is now used to describe kind-hearted people who tend to overextend themselves. The reality is that these helpers who put others' needs before their own are giving, caring people. But their relationships can become skewed so that they take on too much responsibility. This often leaves others without ownership of their choices, disabling them from learning from the negative consequences. Good intentions can lead to helping too much, which in turn results in one-sided relationships. Eventually the "giver" will burn out, and the "taker" loses the ability to take responsibility for their own actions. Adjusting relationships to become more reciprocal can bring relief and deeper connection for the relationship.
If you love someone who is drowning in their own addictions, the most loving thing you can do for them is to recognize where you can step back and let them experience the natural consequences of their decisions. As you get out of the way, they can see the culprit of their problems more clearly, and begin to make changes that will ultimately be for their good. The first step is for you to start noticing what you need, shifting your focus off of them.
Steps toward establishing self & reciprocal relationships
Step 1
Start getting honest about the impact on you.
How is your health? Your emotional strength? Are you feeling alone and resentful for doing things that others should be doing for themselves? What would a proper balance look like that would sustain your own needs, and allow you to continue giving and serving the purposes for your own life?
Step 2
Recognize where your help is no longer helping.
Is all your effort making things better, or does it seem to be getting worse? Maybe it's time to see where you can step back and allow them to feel the responsibility for their choices.
Step 3
Take responsibility for yourself.
Once you become more aware of what you need, you can start taking more responsibility for yourself. You will recognize your own limits, and let go of the part only others can take responsibility for. This will set you free from resentment and allow you to love them more genuinely, without hindering their growth.
Who needs Codependency Therapy?
The pattern of living for others can come from growing up with blurred boundaries. It may have taught you to focus on the needs of others to avoid rejection or abandonment. Sometimes children learn to take care of others to get their own needs met. These patterns can continue into adult relationships, giving too much and losing themselves in the process. Giving sacrificially is a beautiful way to live, but discernment is needed to prevent imbalanced relationships and burning out.
Blurred boundaries can surface in relationships of all kinds, with partners, parents, children, friends, and coworkers. If you find your focus is on doing more for someone than they want for themselves, you are more invested than they are. Your best efforts to help may not be helping anymore, but instead blocking them from taking responsibility for their own lives, even the chance to break free from self-destructive patterns. It may be time to look at yourself and see what you can let go of for someone else to pick up.
Signs you are making progress
After shifting your focus off of others and onto yourself…
You start taking responsibility for your own decisions and meeting your own needs
You notice you are feeling less resentful of others
Others are taking more responsibility for themselves, even making necessary changes
You have more reciprocal relationships, experiencing more life-giving connection
Feel restoration as you are taking better care of yourself
Have energy to pour into your callings and purpose in life
How To Get Started
Step 1
Phone Consultation
We will discuss what is happening now and I will answer any questions you have.
Step 2
Schedule your first session
We can meet in person at my office, or online through telehealth. I will send you intake forms to complete online before our first meeting.
Step 3
Start sessions
Begin the process of sharing your story and being heard. Grow in the comfort of being understood and gain clarity on your next steps.
You matter too.
It is time to get help refilling your tank, to find restoration. You are a human being who has needs too. It's time to lose the resentments and make room for relationships that will fill your soul. Your abundant life is waiting for you.